Now, I readily admit I’m no theological scholar. But I was always taught that the message behind this timeless tale is simple and straightforward: When you see someone in need, you help him. You don’t check first to see if he shares your race, your politics or, for that matter, your road map to salvation.

You just help him.

All of which brings us, regrettably, to Bishop Richard Malone and the Roman Catholic Diocese of Portland.

News this week that Catholic Charities Maine, which Malone oversees, and the national Catholic Campaign for Human Development have yanked their funding for Preble Street’s Homeless Voices for Justice program is proof positive that in this day and age, Roman Catholic charity begins – and in this case ends – with a litmus test.

Nemitz also provides a much-needed overview of the details and timeline of the controversy–the column is worth a full read.

In related news, Equality Maine held their annual awards dinner where Anne Underwood, of Catholics for Marriage Equality won a “Faith in Action” award and announced that Donald Sussman of North Haven donated $17,400 to cover the January to June loss.  Said Sussman,

This is about righting a wrong.  The Preble Street organization is an angel to those in need. They don’t discriminate in who they help, and we need to support them in their important work. It’s disappointing that funding was lost for this critical work, but I’m glad to be one of many who have joined together to help make things right.

You can still help out by donating here (note it’s for Homeless Voices for Justice).  $12,000 was raised in the first 3 days.

State Senator Dennis Damon was also honored at the dinner, among many others.  The dinner was reportedly very well attended and a substantial amount of money was raised to support pro-marriage equality officials in future races.

Well, I found myself in a completely unsolicited email exchange with Hein the next morning.  So, I asked the obvious question:

Good morning, Mr. Hein.

I’m writing to inquire whether you, or representatives of the Christian Civic League of Maine, meet with legislators in Augusta or with candidates for statewide or national office.

Thank you in advance for your response.

Best,

Nick

I got the response I expected:

Nick,

Our lobbyists, Tim Russell and, more recently, Mike Heath, have, in the past, met with legislators. Neither are employed by our ministry any longer. I’ve personally never done so, in any capacity.

We’ve never been opposed, however, to having those meetings be public. I could not speak for the legislators, though, and their preferences. We have nothing to hide in that regard.

Since MCCL believes in open meetings, I would assume they would make their meetings as accessible as possible and leave it up to policymakers to turn away the public.  My obvious follow up:

Thank you for your response. Do you post your lobbyist’s meeting schedules anywhere online so that the public can attend?

Best,

Nick

No response after two days (after prompt initial replies). I sent this polite follow up:

Hi Mike,

I wanted to follow up one more time to see if you posted your lobbyist’s meetings anywhere online so the public can attend.

Thank you,

Nick

Still no response.  Interesting choice.

I look forward to invitations to any meetings with candidate-Rev. Emrich and Mike Hein, and Representative Rev. Emrich, should he be elected.

April 24, 2009

One of the thousands of Mainers who showed up at last week’s marriage equality hearings was my mother.  She arrived at 6:50am wearing red to support me, her gay son.

In an email after the hearings, she wrote, “To sit and listen to the ugly statements that the opponents were making tore me apart.  I wanted to scream, ‘This is my child you are talking about – don’t do that.’  What does this do to my child and others to hear this?  If it is so painful to me, what does it do to the gay person?”

Unfortunately, there is nothing that opponents of LD 1020 said that I haven’t heard before.  Their comments may have offended me, but I have learned to move past them.

Four years ago, at 20 years old, I was finally able to tell my family and friends that I am gay. I knew deep down that my family would accept me and know that I am the same son, brother, cousin, and grandson they’ve always known.  Unlike many gay men and women, I was treated no differently once I told my family and friends.

While I can move past the pain from these comments, my mother is right to react so strongly.  We should all condemn those discriminatory words—not for me—but for everyone that hears them.  For the young adults who feel the way I did four years ago: afraid and alone.

There is nothing worse than feeling that alone.  Feeling that, despite being like your friends and family in almost every way, there is one thing that makes you so different that you fear acknowledging it to even yourself.  Marriage equality won’t make someone gay, but it will make acknowledging it easier.

This is why my concern is not for the man or woman who has summoned the courage to say, “I’m gay.”  My concern is for the teenager who cannot yet say those words.  For the teenager who hears people stand and declare that, despite God’s love of mankind, he opposes the love that two of those people find together.

I remember what it felt like to hear someone rail against homosexuality, not knowing that I am gay.  Some would have been mortified if they knew how they made me feel.  Others would have said my feelings were a rightful shame.  Whatever they believe, I can tell you this: before I came out, I felt worthless when I heard those words.  Today, I do not.

Today, I feel pity.  I pity the narrow-minded that can’t appreciate what I have to offer.  But more than pitying the person who will never benefit by learning from their gay brothers and sisters, I pity the people who hear their hate.  I feel terrible that I can’t reach out and tell every closeted teen and adult that, despite what they hear from some, I have encountered enormous love and support from my family, friends, and strangers, and they can find the same.

When I listened to last week’s hearings, I heard incredible stories of survival, love, resilience, and compassion that often go unheard.

Ministers who want to recognize the love of two gay people.

The World War II veteran who fought for our freedoms and stands up because his son is denied full rights.

The interracial couple who stand and says that they faced this same discrimination 40 years ago based on race.

The 9-year-old child who, through sobs, says it breaks her heart that her godmother can’t marry.

The 8th grader who eloquently stands up for his two mothers.

And the gay couple who—despite the illness that afflicts one of them—stands to demand their rights before it is too late.

The hearings in Augusta showed me the best of Maine.  I saw compassion rise above the refrain of dogmatic narrow-mindedness, and more importantly I saw a cross section of Maine stand up for equality.

Before I recap a bit, I do want to say that I think that regardless of the outcome, this was a great day for Maine and the 3,000 people who attended.  I hated and was hurt and offended by what some of these people said.  However, the fact that this is a conversation being had in public is worth a lot.  Instead of this being a whispered conversation between people who already agree and don’t have to really think about what they’re saying, this forced both sides to articulate their position.

This resulted in the pro-equality crowd (which by all reports I’ve heard was a significant majority) really standing up and showing the face of what a law does to people who just want to live their lives.  It also forced those who oppose equality to articulate (or in some cases just ramble) the true ugliness of many of their reasoning.

I don’t think that everyone who went today to oppose marriage equality was a bigot, but I think if they could walk out of that room without having been moved by the faces and stories that were shared, then they certainly don’t believe in the loving God they proclaim.  And if they can walk out of that room and not see the larger impact than they are either emotionally dead, a bigot, or have some deep-seated issue that is more about them than me.

While my attention was obviously limited, I was struck by a few themes.

First is the shortsightedness of many of their arguments.  Attacking families that are anything except two biological parents won’t win you allies.  Screaming won’t will you allies.  Quoting the most extreme pieces of the bible and inaccurately portraying it won’t win you allies.  And what is important to remember here is that the very practical real world goal (in a strictly strategic and political sense) was to convince the committee to vote against the bills.  As an aside, I was really inpressed by Hannah Pingree, Dennis Damon (the marriage bill’s sponsor), and another legislator whose name I didn’t catch (please let me know if you know who spoke after Speaker Pingree!).

The difference in tone between sides was remarkable.  The speakers for equality focused on their own stories and showed what discrimination does.  It was ministers, mothers, fathers, friends and families of gay men and women.  The most moving stories, however, were from those most affected by this inequity—gay couples and their children.  I hope to post some audio clips, but to hear an 8th grader whose parents are lesbians explain why it matters to him and his moms was truly moving. Equally moving, was the Ella Warner, a 9-year-old who told the committee that,

It breaks my heart that my godmother … can’t get married like my parents.

There were also countless stories of people whose partners had passed away and rather than being able to grieve like anyone would want, they also had to fight for the rights to make the decisions that are required in that situation.  The overwhelming message I heard there was that no matter how many legal contracts are put into place for these situations, they never fully work out.  One man spoke about losing his partner years ago and the fights he had to deal with for the basic services like having a funeral home pick up the body.  This man then said that he hoped he wouldn’t have to go through this again if his current partner of six years lost his battle with cancer.  There were stories of fathers who wanted to protect their gay daughters and mothers who feared for their gay sons.  Stories of fear and stories of acceptance that were impossible to be unmoved by.

The arguments made by those who opposed marriage equality were repetitive and impersonal.  A few were intellectually honest, but then you had claims like these (I wish these were exaggerations—but they are near quotes):

• Gay marriages will cause the entire concept of parenting to disappear (that one is from a legislator!).
• Gay marriages (and single parents) result in more children becoming confused and ending up in jail.
• Without two parents of opposite genders, a child can’t be raised to their full potential (though I would argue that part of my full potential—as the child of two heterosexuals, of course—is to find a partner and raise a child).

The rest were versions of the same speech that God doesn’t hate gay people, just when they act on the way he made them and the love that they’ve found.  (Ok, they said he hated the sin, but close enough).

Finally (for this post) several ministers spoke on behalf of marriage equality from a range of churches.  Among these was Bob Dorr, the former minister of my family’s church and someone I have unyielding respect for.  Bob’s written testimony is below, but he and the other religious leaders on the pro-equality side stood up today and represented a perspective that often goes unnoticed.  He’s a man of faith who clearly understands that religion tells people to love, not discriminate.  Religious freedom is about giving churches the right to marry who they want, not limiting their freedom to marry whomever they like.

When counseling the families of a child who is attracted to someone of the same gender, I see behavior that range from disowning the child to those who worry about the safety of their child.  The reason for the pain caused by the revelation of the gender orientation information they received comes from the negative laws of our society.  Laws that identify individuals as being different promote abuse.

The full text of Bob’s testimony is below.  I’ll be posting more later, including the perspectives of people in the room and some (at least) audio clips that really struck me.

To the Committee Hearing LD 1020

4-22-09

I am Robert E Dorr and I am in favor of passage of LD 1020.

Reason:

I have been a counselor doing couples and individual counseling for over twenty-five years.  In the course of my journey I have had the privilege to counsel mothers and fathers of young men or women who realized that they were attracted to same gendered individuals.

When counseling the families of a child who is attracted to someone of the same gender, I see behavior that range from disowning the child to those who worry about the safety of their child.  The reason for the pain caused by the revelation of the gender orientation information they received comes from the negative laws of our society.  Laws that identify individuals as being different promote abuse.

Out of the many feeling that parents have, the most powerful feeling is that the child is now in danger of being hurt or killed by some one who sees gays or lesbians as fair game for ridicule and abuse.  That fear is grounded in our history of maiming and sometime murdering gay individuals.  The fear is there because our society has set up a system where we segregate out the gay individual as being not worthy of the same rights and privileges that other segments of our society have.

Every law that segregates out a segment of society and labels them puts that segment in a very vulnerable place.  We saw it with the laws discounting the rights of African Americans which led to lynching, separate facilities from restaurants to toilet, and keeping them in the back of the bus.  We saw it with the laws that said women were not worthy of the same rights as men.  They couldn’t vote, they were considered by the courts as chattel of their husbands, and they were considered to be not worthy of opportunity in the work place.  For years we have seen it in the way we are treating the folks in the gay/lesbian community.  This is not a debate about marriage, this is a debate about rights, or the lack thereof, and how we see those denied rights.

Churches, parents, schools and communities take segregationist laws and teach them to children in a negative way.  This leads a child to believe that the segregated community is evil, it is to be shunned and, yes, even abused.  In the book. “The Killing of Steven Jones,” that profile is played out to the letter.  The book, “The Killing of Stevens Jones” was set in a southern town, but the killing really took place in Bangor, Maine where a young gay man was attacked by other young men because he was gay.  He was beaten and thrown off a bridge to his death.  The young men who killed Steven Jones were taught to hate gays by their fathers, and minister in very subtle ways.

Last night as I watched the news an ad came on sponsored by the opponents of LD 1020 and it showed concerned parents saying, “If this bill passes, they will start teaching homosexuality in the schools.  That goes against our standards.  They won’t even have to ask the parent.”  This ad promotes fear and negative attitudes about individuals of the gay community.  It promotes segregation, and the lack of understanding.

So the campaign is on to teach kids that they don’t talk about or with gay individuals.  Keep them out of sight and out of mind.  Just as the Clinton Administration had a policy of don’t ask and don’t tell for our military.

Laws promote societal attitudes about segments of our society.  LD 1020, if passed, would take some of the stigma off the gay community that has been put there by the law as it stands.

We have enough destructive attitudes in our society today without continuing a law that not only discriminates, but promotes a negative attitudes and fear toward individuals.

Please, let’s refocus this state and stop singling out the members of the gay community and putting them in harms way.  Please pass this bill.

Equality Maine encouraged all supporters of marriage equality to wear red, which explains the ponchos.

Supporters Filing in

My “on-the-ground reporter” is my mother, who is attending with Equality Maine.